Michigan Lawmakers Propose Bill to Prevent Practicing Condom Use on Bananas

Lansing: The Good, the Bad, and the Just Plain Silly

While Michigan’s roads aren’t getting fixed, here’s what Lansing’s been up to.

banana 3

Dire threat

Starting with the Silly — The Bananarama Bill

Rep. Thomas Hooker (R-77), joined by his social conservative buddies — 9 out of 10 banana owners, including Tea Party Rep. Gary Glenn (R-98) — proposed legislation to make it illegal for public school students to put a condom on a banana, or any other produce of choice. House Bill 4883 amends Public Act 451 of 1976 to prohibit this form of hands-on-learning. From the proposal:

“A person shall not dispense or otherwise distribute, and shall not allow a pupil to practice with, a family planning drug or device in a public school or on public school property.”

And Now for the Bad

Oh look, it’s HB 4883 again. It seems these same lawmakers also wish to prohibit professional instruction on a basic reproductive right — abortion. A key impetus behind the 1976 law was to provide education on the full array of family planning options available, but conservative lawmakers apparently believe that if we simply don’t discuss it, it will magically go away.

Want to prevent abortion boys? Try practicing putting on condom on something other than a banana.

Finally, the Good — aka, Bills Doomed to Die … except for a few, can you pick the winners?

In order of introduction: (link to bills HERE)

HB 4865   A bill to exempt from sales tax the purchase of back-to-school clothes and supplies.

HB 4866   Bans the use of drones over correctional facilities.

HB 4870   Would prevent law enforcement from setting-up voluntary motor vehicle check points.

HB 4872 & 4873   Adjusts the formula for calculating the School Aid Fund per pupil allotment, allowing districts, including those on the fiscally distressed list, to choose from the current year’s student count or the previous year’s — whichever is greater.

HB 4875   Bans sky lanterns.

HB 4876   Bans flame throwers. (Seriously, who wouldn’t want one of these on occasion?)

HB 4877   Decriminalizes pot. (Flame thrower now extra cool.)

HB 4878 & 4881   Advances renewable energy policies and fair compensation for customer electric generation.

HB 4885   Exempts wrongfully imprisoned individuals from paying state income tax on compensation received.

SB 497 – 499   Requires foster care and adoption agencies who contract with the state to serve all applicants.

SB 501   A bill to render as perfunctory the recognition of foreign-issued drivers licenses. Current law requires the Secretary of State to determine which countries Michigan will recognize.

Some interesting legislation there. No roads bill yet.

DSCN0444Amy Kerr Hardin

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13 Responses to Michigan Lawmakers Propose Bill to Prevent Practicing Condom Use on Bananas

  1. bill soper says:

    thesae guys are nuts in the head period, nothing to do in lansing but just make crap up out of nowhere , and kevin cotter is the leader of this crap hole they are in , just useful idiots all i can say these people do not deserve to be in office one more day, let the people vote on who gets paid for working and fire the sluffs off, no pensions or healthcare for any lawmaker who is not fit to be in office, its high time we the people judge these people and means test all of them , and decide if we want to pay t hem or fire them, no golden parachute pay nothing at all , they are not capable of doing the job need to progress in the modern world, if they want a third world country , lets move them to nigeria, they like american nutjobs.

  2. elise howard says:

    I agree 1000%! How do we allow this??? Tell me where to sign to start holding these elected fools accountable!

  3. DJ Maverick says:

    I bet I know the problem… #BananaEnvy

  4. Pamela Helms says:

    Get busy & vote on local & state issues. Those staying home & not voting are the same as a vote against you & your families best interests… Get these idiots their walking papers & demand proper representation .fire the crazies. We need people who are going to work for better quality of life here in Michigan.

  5. Jamie Pletka says:

    This is ridiculous.

  6. James Clark says:

    Ridicule if you must — that is you’re right — but there is a certain logic to the “banana bill”. Picture a student, well-trained in condom use via a complicit fruit or vegetable, out on a date. Thoughts occur. Things occur. Suddenly the student’s previous leftist training comes into his mind. But that mind is already so impaired by hormone-induced static that he can only manage a feeble “What did I learn in school that day re produce? It becomes a mantra. Re produce. Re produce. Re produce.

    Oh, yeah, it’s obviously only a matter of time before he puts two and two together.

    Also, bananas might harbor poisonous spiders.

  7. David DeGriselles says:

    You are right, there are no MORE road bills yet, last one the voters turned down. The voters want the roads fixed, but are unwilling to pay for it. The stupid bill list you show is pretty entertaining as given, should include reasons why bills were introduced. Some sound stupid when given just as shown, but with a reason not so much. Not saying stupid bills aren’t stupid. But with an explanation they don’t look as stupid. It’s nice being a journalist, allows the story to be shaped in your opinion. Next article, cover these bills a little better and see how it turns out. Just saying that they don’t sound as stupid. Still stupid, depends on how you look at the reasons for it’s introduction. Both sides of the isle introduce stupid bills, but that’s another matter.

  8. m.l. says:

    they’ve been repairing all kinds of roads around here recently…( some that really didn’t need it!?)

  9. How they going about this is f*cking bananas crazy.

    Next up – what does batshit crazy look like – or why our legislators need to sanction bat guano masque is healthy for your complexion.

    If guano is good for plants it must be great for humans!

    As for roads – that is a plural form of a four letter word and our legislators may as well rule that “holding public discussion or demonstration regarding any word 4 letters in length shall be illegal.”

  10. Boss Monkey says:

    Ya, they want them to use a Vienna Sausage so their not surprised when they see their first Tea Party member.

  11. David Williams says:

    Should try following Levin (D- Detroit). It was his bill that reduced benefits to our hero’s, the people in the military. He felt the best way to help President Obama in balancing the budget was to cut spending to our American Military veterans. But after this bill was passed, the military personnel complained loudly. So the Democrat’s wrote a bill that reinstated most of everything, but it also had a bunch of things they knew republicans wouldn’t pass. So when the bill was turned down by the republicans, the media and public ate up the garbage that the republicans cut benefits to our military.

    Of course our media knew who cut the money, but they played along with the democrats blaming it on the republicans. It was finally straightened out, the media barely said a thing and the public thought the republicans did the cuts. They weren’t intelligent enough to have read the entire headlines that said it all. The headlines were as follows: Republicans refuse to reinstate benefits to the military and their families. I read that and the first thing I did was to see who cut them in the first place. Doing this showed that the Republicans didn’t do the cutting and refused the first bill to reinstate because of the garbage the democrats threw in there. But even after it was all straightened out, our media would still blame the republicans for this matter. All the while the public didn’t figure out the truth and still say the republicans did the cutting. I mean, come on people, the democrats do defense cutting and the republicans have to rebuild the military whenever they take office. That’s just factual stat’s there.

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